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Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons to Replace Timbits with Mennonite Zwieback

June 14, 2024 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Canadian donut giant Tim Hortons held a press conference on Henderson Highway this afternoon to announce a new item on the menu – Mennonite zwieback – well, just the tops anyway. “For […]

Unger & Thirst

Stanley Cup to be Filled with Rogers Golden Syrup this Year

June 13, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Even though they’re down 2 games to none, the Edmonton Oilers are confident they can be the ones to drink golden syrup from the Cup this year. “We’ve got all of La Crete, […]

Unger Suspicion

Pat Sajak to be Replaced with Mennonite Man who Only Knows Plautdietsch

June 12, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After more than four decades in southern California, the popular game show Wheel of Fortune will be moving north to Fresno this week where the new host will be none other than Willy […]

Unger Games

Oilers Hope to Turn Things Around Back Home in Emitin

June 11, 2024 Andrew

EMITIN, AB After going down 2 games to none, the Emitin Oilers are hoping they can get back on the right track when they return home to Emitin later this week. “Emitin is a storied […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man’s Entire Job Consists of Deleting Stupid Irrelevant Emails

June 10, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB 100% of area man Jeremy Goertzen’s 9 to 5 office job consists of looking through his emails and deleting all the crap. “I don’t do anything else,” said Goertzen, from his Calgary-area office […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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