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Unger the Influence

“Nah, we’re good”: Winnipeg Excluded from Plan to Make Canada the 51st US State

December 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A committee of 12 American delegates have arrived in Canada this week in hopes of adding a significant amount of territory to the American empire. “Everything was going okay until we arrived in […]

Unger the Influence

Joe Pardons Hunter Just in Time for “Giving Tuesday”

December 3, 2024 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Giving Tuesday is an annual day of generosity, drawing attention and support for worthy causes. In honour of Giving Tuesday this year, outgoing President Joe decided to give the most generous gift he […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Funeral to be Followed by ‘Girl Dinner’ in Church Gymnasium

December 2, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Ashley Thiessen, 29, of Winnipeg was sad about the death of her loved one, but felt some sense of relief when she found out great-grandma’s funeral was going to feature a totally epic […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Promises His Monthly Tithe is in the Mail

December 1, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When area man Garth Bueckert missed his monthly tithe this Sunday, Pastor Dave hauled him into the office for a friendly little chat. “So, Garth, I see we didn’t get your payment this […]

The Daily Bonnet

MCC Superfans Now Known as ‘Thrifties’

November 30, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Thousands of enthusiastic shoppers gathered at their local MCC store this week to share a few hugs, exchange friendship bracelets, and get their hands on some gently used denim skirts. They’re known as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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