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Unger Suspicion

Moscow Opens Lovely New 55+ Apartments for Retired Dictators

December 10, 2024 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The friendly staff at Kuntsevo Independent Living Community in Moscow are welcoming brutal dictators from around the world to experience the comforts and ease of retirement at their lovely new campus. “Each suite […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Runner Turns Map Into Giant Dancing Dill Pickle

December 9, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Gabe Eby, 29, has been jogging all over KW during the past few months creating patterns on his running app that his fellow Mennonites will find recognizable and comforting. “At first […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Praying for Snow Day So They Can Miss Church Tomorrow

December 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With snow beginning to accumulate on Saturday evening, Mennonites across southern Alberta were hoping for a snow day on Sunday morning. “Oh would you look at that coming down,” said Dave Krahn of […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Couple Enrol Kids in Immersion School Thinking it’s a Baptismal Class

December 7, 2024 Andrew

STE. ANNE, MB When the Kehlers of the R.M. of Ste. Anne discovered a new baptismal class in the area, they immediately signed their kids up for classes. “You know, we’d prefer a pouring class, […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Unimpressed with Obvious Attempt to Buy Vogts

December 6, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With money and tax breaks flowing out of Ottawa like a von Riesen out of 16th-century Friesland, several Mennonites are wondering whether this whole thing might just be a feeble attempt to buy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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