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The Daily Bonnet

World Anabaptist Olympics Begin Today

August 5, 2016 Andrew

CURITIBA, BRAZIL More than three thousand Amish, Hutterite, and Mennonite athletes from around the world are descending on Curitiba, Brazil this week for the opening of the World Anabaptist Games. “We’re very excited that our […]

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Woman Still Can’t Tell the Difference Between Mennonites and Hutterites

August 3, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After living in southern Manitoba for more than two decades, Samantha Williams, originally from Saskatoon, still can’t tell the difference between the various Anabaptist denominations. “There’s the Mennonites – I think they’re the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Divorced Mennonites Remain Cousins, Legal Expert Says

August 2, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Settling an age-old question that had baffled legal scholars for centuries, renowned barrister and American law expert Aganetha L. Schneider of Harrisonburg claims there’s no longer any room for debate when it comes to Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Enters Rehab with Waffle Addiction

August 1, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Residents are already calling him the ‘Amy Winehouse of Waffles,’ and after an entire weekend where he consumed more than three hundred waffles and fifteen gallons of white sauce, local man Arnold Warkentin […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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