SCHANZENBERG, SK Local Mennonite teen Patricia Schmidt, 18, will appear before the church deacon board on Tuesday to defend her immodest post on social media over the weekend. “I was just showing off my new Maddens to […]
GOESSEL, KS Mennonite deacon and family man Larry Hiebert, 33, is desperately holding onto any last thread of hope that Bernie Sanders has of winning the Democratic nomination. Hiebert was at the front of the crowd when Sanders […]
WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley are desperately scouring their ancestry books to find a relation to recently departed musician Prince. “I had never heard of him before, but I just know […]
GRUNTHAL, MB Ecstatic monarchists across the Southeast region are lining the streets in anticipation of Queen Victoria’s visit. Her Majesty, now nearly 200, is rumoured to arrive in Manitoba early Monday morning and will make stops […]
STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]
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