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The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Man Survives Eating Fish Caught in Red River

May 13, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite the large quantities of raw sewage that’s routinely dumped into the river, local man Alexander Penner of North Kildonan decided that eating a fish caught in this delightfully polluted river was a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Finally Consummates Marriage on Fifth Wedding Anniversary

May 12, 2017 Andrew

HEUBODEN, MB After five years of a happy yet celibate marriage, local couple Mary and Henry Funk figured they were finally ready to set their Scrabble board aside and take their relationship to the next level. “In […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Prophet Turns Wine Into Water

May 12, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Self-proclaimed miracle worker and sage Peter P. Peters wowed attendees at a Mennonite family gathering this past week by turning all of the wine into water. “I’d never seen anything like it,” said Abram […]

Unger Suspicion

Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements

May 11, 2017 Andrew

DALMENY, SK A local radio station has hired Canadian rap sensation Drake to read the funeral announcements while the regular host is on vacation. “We’re really excited to get Drake in here to spice things […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Life Just Isn’t Fair,” says Benjamin Fehr

May 11, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB After a string of unfortunate incidents, local farmer Benjamin Fehr of the Morden area, has come to the conclusion that the world is out to get him. “First I got a flat on my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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