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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Strip Searched at Airport; Security Shocked at What they Found!

July 10, 2018 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Mr. Klassen of Yarrow, BC was selected for random screening at the Vancouver Airport this past week. Mr. Klassen had been heading to visit frintschoft in Kansas, when he was pulled aside for […]

Unger Conviction

Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water

July 9, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new Mennonite church — in reality a breakaway from the old one — plans to revolutionize the way Mennonites do baptism by pouring an extra two ounces of water during the baptism. “Our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens Injured in Annual Pilgrimage to Mennonite Landing Spot

July 9, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB More than thirty Mennonite pilgrims were injured this past week as they gathered for the annual pilgrimage to the spot on the Red River where their ancestors first landed in the 1870s. The […]

Unger & Thirst

Visitor to Winkler Gets Severe Case of Mennozuma’s Revenge

July 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Failing to heed the warnings not to drink the water, Mr. Peters of Steinbach was left with a severe case of what he described as “stomach problems” after a recent visit to Winkler. […]

Unger Suspicion

Grand Beach Declared ‘Urine Free Zone’

July 7, 2018 Andrew

GRAND BEACH, MB Urinating at Manitoba’s most popular Lake Winnipeg beach this summer will result in stiff penalties thanks to a new law. Grand Beach is now officially ‘Urine Free,’ although smoking and drinking is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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