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The Daily Bonnet

Trump to Fence Off the Border to Keep Out Canadian Smoke

July 18, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Donald Trump has just approved the expenditure of $81 billion to construct a wooden fence along the border to keep Canadian smoke from entering the country. “They’re not sending their best smoke, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Lucks Out With New Licence Plate

July 16, 2026 Andrew

This is real. I know, I don’t report real news very often. A good Mennonite would never purchase a vanity plate, but, hey, when you can get one for free, why not? I guess we […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again

July 15, 2026 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Mennonite soccer fans across South America were cheering against Argentina this afternoon, only for England to totally “fe’schlucke” at the last minute. “Diewel, I’ve never seen a team fe’schlucke themselves like that before,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Folk Fest Attendee Sells Spot in the Shade for $500 a Square Foot

July 14, 2026 Andrew

BIRDS HILL PARK, MB Area man Wally Dueck, 51, made almost $200,000 selling highly-desirable spots in the shade at the Winnipeg Folk Festival this weekend. “Hey, you look a little sun-stroked there, now, don’t you?” […]

Unger Suspicion

Thousands of Canadians Flock to Mexico to Cool Off this Summer

July 13, 2026 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Thousands of Canadians have decided to vacation in Mexico this summer to escape the oppressive heat of Canada. “Ahhh, it’ll be so nice to get out of Winnipeg for once during the summer […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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