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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmas Hired to Lead National Contact Tracing Program

November 5, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Oma Rempel of Saskatoon has just signed on to head the Canadian national contract tracing program. “We knew we had to go to the experts,” said Prime Minister Trudeau. “Plus no one could […]

The Daily Bonnet

Naejenpundjet Mennonitenbabie word derjch een Wunda dree Moonat verre Tiet jebuare.

November 4, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Bloos sass Moonat nohdem Peeeta enn Elvira Dertjze sich enne Altona MCMB Tjoatj befriet haude, erlaewd daut Poah derjch een Wunda dee Jeburt von aehrem easchtjebuarnen Saehn Timothy. “Wie send bloos soo frooh, […]

Unger Games

“Isn’t there a hockey game on or something?”

November 3, 2020 Andrew

BRANDON, MB Local man Darryl Wiebe, 47, has been flipping channels all evening in search of something, anything, even the least bit entertaining to watch. “Ugh. It’s the same crap on every channel,” said Wiebe. […]

Unger Suspicion

Golden Boy Tests Positive for Covid

November 2, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to a press conference held this afternoon, the Golden Boy that sits atop the Manitoba Legislative Building has just tested positive for Covid and will now be required to go into isolation […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Turns Her Clock Back to 2019

November 1, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Rather than going back just one hour, one local woman decided to move her clock back a whole year to a time before the complete dumpster fire that was 2020. “I figured, hey, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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