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The Daily Bonnet

Mixup at Family Gathering Has Mr. Penner Knipsing for a Triple Word Score

October 10, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Normally Mr. Penner can be pretty confident that he’ll come out on top anytime the knipsbrat board is placed in front of him. But a mixup with the knipsers this afternoon really had […]

Unger Suspicion

Taylor Swift Endorses One of Her Ex-Boyfriends for President

October 9, 2020 Andrew

WEST READING, PA Perpetually heartbroken singer-songwriter Taylor Swift has weighed into the political realm this week and endorsed “a young man who broke my heart years ago” for President. “Although Dillon is not actually on […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Unfazed by Fly on Her Face the Entire Service

October 8, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Rebecca Engbrecht, 43, of North Saskatoon Mennonite Church preached through the entire Book of Lamentations this past Sunday without even noticing there was a fly on her forehead the entire time. “Wow, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Minister Excommunicates Entire Congregation

October 7, 2020 Andrew

NUMIDIA, PA Minister Miller of West Side Numidia Mennonite Church has been excommunicating an errant couple every week for the past three years and just this Sunday he realized that he was the only one […]

Unger Suspicion

White House Running Critically Low on Toilet Paper and Bleach

October 6, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Toilet paper and bleach supplies are running critically low at the White House this week after the “royal family” and all their staff came down with some mysterious condition that only toilet paper […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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