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Unger & Thirst

Pink Whitney Discovered in Mrs. Loewen’s Thermos

August 13, 2021 Andrew

HIMMELSDORF, MB Mrs. Loewen’s co-workers at the credit union in Himmelsdorf this week noted a mysterious pattern of behaviour after lunch that simply demanded an explanation. “She alway seems much happier after she’s had her […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Usher Duct Tapes Unruly Parishioner to Church Pew

August 12, 2021 Andrew

WAKARUSA, IN An unnamed local man was flying off the handle in church this Sunday and had to be restrained with duct tape by South Wakarusa Mennonite’s top usher Mr. Beck. “He was clearly intoxicated […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Newlyweds Look Like “They’ve Been Practicing”

August 11, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK When Maria Driedger and Peter Wall tied the knot this past Saturday, gasps went out throughout the crowd as their “first kiss” appeared to be anything but. “A dip and a swirl and […]

Unger Suspicion

Brian Pallister to Manitobans: “You Can’t Fire Me; I Quit!”

August 10, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After sinking to a historic low in the approval ratings, Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister tossed over his desk this morning in a huff and could be heard yelling “you can’t fire me; I […]

Unger Suspicion

Local MP Comes Out as Flat Earther

August 9, 2021 Andrew

STEINKOPP, MB After months of speculation where he refused to say one way or another, Steinkopp MP Bed Sulk has put the speculation to rest and come out as a staunch anti-round Earther. “I’m always […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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