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The Daily Bonnet

The 12 Days of Mennonite Christmas

December 25, 2021 Andrew

Decades ago Mennonites came under the influence of two great Presbyterian ministers, Bob and Doug McKenzie, who initiated the long-standing tradition of soberly updating the lyrics to the 12 Days of Christmas. And, thus, after […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confuses Päpanät for Kjnipsers

December 24, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local retired teacher Mark Reimer has spent his retirement days reconnecting with his Mennonite heritage. Not only has he written his debut novel The Four Horsemen, which follows the long-standing Mennonite literary tradition […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pants Pastor Caught Wearing Pants

December 23, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The leader of southern Manitoba’s largest anti-pants cult was spotted at the Winnipeg airport this week wearing a freshly-pressed pair of men’s slacks. “Well, unfortunately they don’t let you board the plane in […]

Unger Suspicion

Tim Hortons Collaborates with Gordon Lightfoot for New ‘Gordon Bits’

December 22, 2021 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON Fresh off the heals of their Justin Bieber collaboration, donut manufacturer Tim Hortons has decided to make sweet tasty balls with the second most legendary Canadian musician they could find, Gordon Lightfoot. “I […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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