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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

April 29, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After months of heated negotiation, Mrs. Eleanor Brandt of Fresno just sold her top margarine container to investor Elon Musk for a record $44 billion. “He took it no questions asked,” said Mrs […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Plans to Totally Fe’schlucke Herself Friday Night

April 28, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Alice Braun has been anticipating the ‘Mennonites Laughing’ event at McNally Robinson on Friday night and is already fe’schlucking herself in preparation. “Andrew Unger? Armin Wiebe? Even Corny Rempel yet?” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Passes “Auntie Jen” Test

April 27, 2022 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON There was much celebration in the Janz household this weekend after Diane revealed two solid lines on her “Auntie Jen” test. “OMG, I’m going to be an auntie,” yelled excited sister Jennifer. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Builds New Confederation Bridge to Compete with the One in PEI

April 26, 2022 Andrew

LORETTE, MB The province of Manitoba has recently declared a gravel service road next to the Trans Canada Highway near Lotette as “Confederation Bridge West” after recent rain storms. “This gravel road surrounded by water […]

Unger Conviction

Meet the ‘Steinbach Reads’ 2022 Contenders: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

April 25, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It’s an annual tradition in Steinbach. Every year enthusiastic local readers defend a choice of book and the final book is required reading for the entire community. This year, the panel will be […]

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