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Unger Conviction

Two Groups That Absolutely Hate Each Other and Disagree on Nearly Everything Both Say They’re “Christians”

September 16, 2022 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX A number of supposedly Christian groups have gathered in Seminole this week to discuss what they have in common, which, as it turns out, is absolutely nothing. “It’s almost as if we’re all […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has So Much Rhubarb She Doesn’t Know What To Do With It All

September 15, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For the first time in her 83-year-existence, Mrs. Wiens of Winkler has more rhubarb than she knows what to do with yet once. “Oba, waut de kuckuck will I do with all this […]

Unger Suspicion

Hundreds of Canadian Politicians to “Mourn the Queen” at the Lake this Monday While Everyone Else Works

September 14, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Politicians across Canada are so heartbroken over the death of Her Majesty that they’ve decided that what they really need is a nice long weekend while everyone else is working. “Ahh, it sure […]

Unger & Thirst

“Of course they’re edible!” Mennonite Woman Brings Potent Snack to Church Potluck

September 13, 2022 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Everything seemed to be going just fine at the West Side St. Jacob’s New Mennonite Church potluck this Saturday afternoon, until guests started snacking on the delicious red gummies that Mrs. Zehr […]

The Daily Bonnet

Baz Luhrmann Directs New Corny Rempel Biopic

September 12, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Renowned Hollywood director Baz Luhrmann has just released a brand new $300 million biopic of southern Manitoba’s greatest Elvis tribute artist and radio personality Corny Rempel. “It tells his story from his modest […]

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