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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman in Existential Crisis at Grocery Store

November 29, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Anne Loewen, 71, was in the greatest existential crisis of her life this Saturday afternoon after encountering bags of frozen potato and cheddar perogies alongside the cottage cheese perogies she’s used […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Disaster Volunteers Brought in to Fix Ticketmaster

November 28, 2022 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ After the Taylor Swift presale crashed the Ticketmaster website this week, Mennonite disaster volunteers have been flown to Ticketmaster headquarters to fix the problem. “I must say, we’ve never responded to a disaster […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Slops $1000 Worth of Caesar Salad on His Plate

November 27, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Abe Toews of Winkler was at the extended Toews gathering this weekend when he got to the end of the potluck line and decided he had just enough room on his plate for […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Potato Farmer Proclaims Himself “Dyck Tater for Life”

November 26, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Rudy Dyck from just outside of Swift Current has taken control of a large potato farm this week and refuses to share power with anyone else. “This is not one of them […]

Unger Suspicion

Two Canadians Bump Into Each Other, Both Say “I’m Sorry”

November 25, 2022 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON On a busy Hamilton street this afternoon, two Canadian were texting as they walked and slammed right into one another, both loudly proclaiming that they were “sorry, buddy.” “This is impossible. It had […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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