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Unger & Thirst

Liquor Store Strike Leaves Mennonites Without Any Place to Judge Each Other

July 29, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As workers at Manitoba liquor stores have been on strike this week, thousands of Mennonites have been left without any place to cast sidelong glances and whisper disparaging remarks about their friends and […]

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Family Subsists All Summer on Blackberries Picked By the Side of the Road

July 28, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Neufelds of Abbotsford have been eating nothing but wild blackberries from the side of the road this entire summer and Earl is getting a little cranky at the lack of variety. “Ugh, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Bids Fond Farewell to Future Farmer Sausage

July 26, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Earlier this week, Mrs. Erin Neufeld, 22, of Grunthal, Manitoba paid her last respects to her beloved pig Stockwell, named after the former leader of the Canadian Alliance Party. “I’ll be seeing you […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Features First Air Conditioned Sanctuary in Town

July 25, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of eager worshippers flocked to South Elmwood Mennonite Church this Sunday to experience their first ever summer service without pit stains. “Ahhh, this is the life,” said new parishioner Jack Baerg, who […]

Unger Suspicion

Twitter Unveils New Logo

July 24, 2023 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA There have been a lot changes over at Twitter since Elon Musk took over including, but not limited to, a brand new logo that looks eerily familiar to neighbouring Mennonites over in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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