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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Rundschau Names Taylor Swift ‘Person of the Year’

December 11, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO For decades the Rundschau, in its various iterations, has provided Mennonites with news about what other Mennonites are doing in jantsied or even ditsied. Well, this year, the Rundschau has decided to branch […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

Unger Games

Journalists Who Falsely Reported Ohtani Blue Jays Signing to Be Given Jobs at The Unger Review

December 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Millions of Canadian baseball fans have lost their faith in journalism this weekend after sportswriters falsely reported the signing of superstar Shohei Ohtani by the Toronto Blue Jays. “It’s like you can’t even […]

Unger Games

Blue Jays Sign Ohtani to Hit, Pitch, and Also Quarterback the Argos

December 8, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Shohei Ohtani is set to become Toronto’s first three-way player this week, after agreeing to a massive multi-year contract to hit and pitch for the Blue Jays. His duties will also include quarterbacking […]

Unger Suspicion

Steinbach Man Crashes into Giant Tiger

December 7, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Wildlife specialists were called to downtown Steinbach this week after area man Michael Teichrob, 21, crashed right into a giant tiger on Main Street. “Gosh, I’ve heard of accidents with moose and elk, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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