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Unger & Thirst

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026 Andrew

KANSAS CITY, MO World Cup fans from across the globe are coming home with a lot more than just the satisfaction of watching the Americans get absolutely destroyed by Belgium; they’re also discovering a delicious […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Area woman Doris Reimer, 74, has planted a lovely array of daisies and dillweed this year, but has struggled to keep the weeds and AI data centres out of her garden. “I’m out […]

Unger Games

FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA After a last second phone call from Donald Trump, FIFA President Gianni Infantino has agreed to let the US President act as head referee for tonight’s match in Seattle. “He knows so much […]

Unger Games

Canada Loses to Morocco After Not Getting Enough Pucks to the Net

July 5, 2026 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX Team Canada lost 3-nil to Morocco last night after failing to get enough pucks to the net. “Plus they just weren’t getting in there on the forecheck,” said sports expert Jeremy Goertzen. “I’d […]

Unger Suspicion

Surprises Abound on Taylor and Travis’s Guest List

July 4, 2026 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There were plenty of surprises on the star-studded guest list at Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding this week, including Dakota Johnson, Gigi Hadid, and several members of the local Amish community. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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