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The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Poultry Farmers Accidentally Show Up at ‘National Poetry Month’ Event

March 31, 2024 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB A misheard radio announcement about National Poetry Month had thousands of chicken and turkey farmers across the RM of Hanover unintentionally showing up to hear poet Sarah Ens read from her latest publication […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tourists Flock to Steinbach’s Newest Attraction: The Famous Main and Brandt Potholes

March 30, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Millions of tourists have gathered in Steinbach, Manitoba this week to stand in awe at the massive Main and Brandt potholes that have sprung up this spring. “They’re truly a wonder to behold,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wins Nobel Peace Prize for Remembering to Lift the Toilet Seat

March 29, 2024 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Devoted husband and father of four, Bert Harder, 51, just received word this week that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize for being the first Mennonite man to lift the toilet seat. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excited to Take Flight in Neighbour’s Flying Car

March 28, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN The whole neighbourhood was abuzz this week as Mr. Funk of Elkhart unveiled his new license plate, which clearly indicated he had converted his sedan into a flying car. Naturally, next door neighbour […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Arrested in Atlanta for Drinking Pepsi

March 27, 2024 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Joseph Bergman, 44, was arrested in Atlanta, Georgia this week after being spotted with a can of Pepsi-Cola. “This is Coca-Cola territory,” said officer Schmidt. “Everyone knows that. We simply can’t have people […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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