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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Hired to Transform All Loblaws Locations into Thrift Stores

May 29, 2024 Andrew

ST. JACOBS,ON Loblaws CEO Galen Weston announced in a press conference this afternoon that the company would be hiring several Mennonites, world renowned for their thrift, to help bring down prices at their stores. “Your […]

The Daily Bonnet

Shutdown of Pipeline Affects Delivery of Schmaunt Fat Between Gretna and Winnipeg

May 28, 2024 Andrew

GRETNA, MB For the past three months, Winnipegers have been starved for lack of schmaunt fat due to a pipeline shutdown with the supply centre in Gretna. “We’ve got the students at MCI working around […]

Unger Suspicion

Severe Turbulence on Winnipeg Streets Leaves Dozens Injured

May 27, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Al Wiens, 41, had to warn his children in the backseat to brace themselves as they drove down a residential street on the way to church this weekend. “Turns out, it was pretty […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandfather Shocked to Discover He’s Actually Greek

May 25, 2024 Andrew

MENNVILLE, MB Area man Walter Dyck, 81, of Mennville took a trip into Winnipeg this week and was shocked to discover the word Opa! plastered all over the city’s Greek restaurants. “As soon as I […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Creates Her Own Rhubarb-Flavoured Bubly

May 24, 2024 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Disappointed with the lack of rhubarb-flavoured options, diehard Bubly-drinker Evelen Sawatzky of Mitchell, Manitoba has taken matters into her own hands. “Basically I just gather all the run-off water after I’m done washing […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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