NASHVILLE, TN
Former 1980s sitcom star-turned-Christian apologist Kirk Cameron made headlines this week after questioning whether Hell is eternal.
“But then I watched one of my own movies,” said Cameron, “and let me tell you, if sitting through ‘Fireproof’ isn’t ‘eternal conscious torment’ I don’t know what is.”
Cameron now believes that unbelievers will spend eternity watching cheesy Christian movies and old episodes of Growing Pains.
“I was wavering on the traditional doctrine there for a while,” said Cameron, “but I’m back on the right path now.”
Also on repeat in Gehenna will be 2014’s Saving Christmas and the entire Left Behind series.
“The movies are only like 90 minutes long,” said Cameron. “But I’m sure they can rewind the tape and start again. Waiting for the VHS to rewind will actually be part of the torment.”
In other news, Cameron has denied rumours he’s been signed on to star in the new $80 million adaptation of Joelle Kidd’s Jesusland.
(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)