ST. JACOB’S, ON
The federal government was shocked and dismayed with the results after more than $1.2 billion were spent to buyback guns in Mennonite country, with very little success.
“After months of the Mennonite country buyback program, not a single gun was obtained,” said Prime Minister Mark Carney. “I can’t figure it out. The only weapons we collected were a few stale raisin buns and a cassette tape featuring some pretty fiery sermons.”
Government officials went door-to-door in St. Jacob’s offering Mennonites the chance to hand in their guns.
“Even when we offered to purchase them, they wouldn’t give up their guns,” said Carney. “I figured our offer was better than donating them to the thrift store.”
Some St. Jacob’s residents, however, were eager to participate, at least in some way.
“I don’t have any guns, but they were offering cold hard cash for any weapons I may have,” said Mr. Martin. “I talked about it with my Sarah – ‘surely, we must have something in the pantry we can give these gentlemen.'”
In the end, the Martins were paid more than $1.2 billion for a few jars of preserves that were so old the labels had fallen off.
“It’s the best we could do,” said Mr. Martin. “Good luck, Mr. Carney, with Sarah’s preserves.
(photo credit: Bank of England/CC)
