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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Maple Leafs to Social Distance from the Cup Again this Year

July 2, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON While the upcoming NHL season may be a bit strange for most of the other teams, it’s business as usual for the Toronto Maple Leafs who have been practicing social distancing from the […]

Unger Games

NHL Says 11 Players Have Tested Positive for Mullets

June 19, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The 2020 NHL season is in grave doubt this week after the league announced that 11 players have already tested positive for mullets. “After reopening arenas and practice facilities on June 8, […]

Unger Suspicion

Yosemite Sam Gives Up His Guns, Plans to Attend Anabaptist Seminary this Fall

June 13, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Longtime gun-totter Yosemite Sam just announced he’s laying down his arms and plans to enroll in the seminary at nearby Fresno Pacific University this fall. “It was a Road to Damascus moment for […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Signals His Own Virtue By Calling Out Virtue Signalling

June 11, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Area man Alex Schmidt, 42, was so sick and tired of “virtue-signalling liberals” on social media that he decided to openly pronounce his own virtuousness by calling them out. “I’m sick and tired […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Solves All the World’s Problems with a Single Tweet

June 9, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC In a heroic act of self-sacrifice and solidarity with marginalized people, local man Mr. Toews, 31, took a break from playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 to tweet out the following message to his […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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