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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Jets Already Down Three Games to None after Opening Faceoff

May 19, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Just moments into the first period of game one, the Edmonton Oilers were already up three games to none on the lowly Winnipeg Jets. “Well, that wraps up the first period of play […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Mainstream Media Can’t be Trusted’ Says Area Man Who Gets All His Information from Memes

May 15, 2021 Andrew

ELKHART, IN A local man who gets all his information from memes he sees on social media has publicly declared that he has absolutely no use for “mainstream media.” “Ach, they’re all biased,” said Mr. […]

Unger Suspicion

“I Can’t Believe the Mormons Have that Extra Holy Book,” Says Christian Man Who Literally Worships the US Constitution

May 12, 2021 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND Local man and constitution-worshipper Henry Unger says he just “can’t believe the Mormons have all these extra holy books that they added centuries later.” For Unger, it’s just the Old Testament, New […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos

May 3, 2021 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON After nationwide protests saw a “disturbing” presence of neck tattoos, bleach-blonde hair, and mirrored sunglasses, the Government of Canada issued a new health advisory requiring “all douchey neck tattoos” to be fully […]

Unger Suspicion

Millions Flee “Communist” Canada for a Better Life in Russia

May 2, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Millions of angry Trudeau-hating mask-hating Canadians have left the country en masse and are heading for a new glorious life in post-Soviet Russia. “Ever since Canada became a Communist country a few months […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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