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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Teens Shocked to Meet Grandparents at New Timothée Chalamet Movie

December 26, 2024 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Thousands of teens and boomers found themselves in the exact same movie theatre this week, but for completely different reasons. “Woah, Grandma, I had no idea you were such a big Timothée Chalamet […]

Unger Suspicion

Quick Internet Search Proves Area Man Was Right All Along

December 21, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB In a total coincidence, area man Calvin Berg just happened to find a really neat political commentator who “tells it like it is,” by which he means “says exactly what I want to […]

Unger Suspicion

Amazon Introduces New Premium ‘Two Weeks Late’ Delivery Option

December 15, 2024 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Starting this week, Amazon will be offering a new option to have your package delivered at least two weeks late. “Or more,” said CEO Jeff Bezos. “It’s always been our goal to deliver […]

Unger Suspicion

Police Arrest the Wrong Luigi

December 12, 2024 Andrew

ALTOONA, PA A nationwide manhunt has ended in the arrest of a tall handsome moustachioed plumber named Luigi. “I’m innocent, I tell you, innocent,” yelled Luigi as he was taken into custody by Altoona police/koopa […]

Unger Suspicion

Moscow Opens Lovely New 55+ Apartments for Retired Dictators

December 10, 2024 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The friendly staff at Kuntsevo Independent Living Community in Moscow are welcoming brutal dictators from around the world to experience the comforts and ease of retirement at their lovely new campus. “Each suite […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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