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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Elected President of Ecuador

May 24, 2016 Andrew

QUITO, ECUADOR Local Good Samaritan Mark Reimer will be sworn in as President of Ecuador in a ceremony to take place this July in the small fishing village of Puerto Lopez. “I’m working on my Spanish,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Still ‘Feeling the Bern’

May 23, 2016 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mennonite deacon and family man Larry Hiebert, 33, is desperately holding onto any last thread of hope that Bernie Sanders has of winning the Democratic nomination. Hiebert was at the front of the crowd when Sanders […]

Unger Suspicion

Battle Erupts in Winkler Over Prince’s Estate

May 23, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonites throughout the Pembina Valley are desperately scouring their ancestry books to find a relation to recently departed musician Prince. “I had never heard of him before, but I just know […]

Unger Suspicion

Queen Victoria to Tour Southeast Manitoba on Monday

May 21, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Ecstatic monarchists across the Southeast region are lining the streets in anticipation of Queen Victoria’s visit. Her Majesty, now nearly 200, is rumoured to arrive in Manitoba early Monday morning and will make stops […]

Unger Suspicion

Ted Falk Unscathed After Lone Elbowist Attacks Canadian Parliament

May 20, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Provencher MP Ted Falk managed to escape the House of Commons unharmed as a brutal elbow attack ravaged Parliament Hill on Thursday. “Those things are sharp, especially the Prime Minister’s,” commented Falk, still […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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