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Unger Suspicion

Unger Games

Michael Phelps Spotted at Local Gravel Pits

September 1, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Just weeks after breaking Olympic records, world champion swimmer Michael Phelps was seen leisure swimming at the gravel pits just outside Grunthal, Manitoba. “He had a bit more of a beer belly then I […]

Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

Unger Suspicion

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s Health May Disqualify Her From Ushering in Church

August 23, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Mennonites Pay Tribute to the Tragically Hip

August 21, 2016 Andrew

KINGSTON, ON After the Tragically Hip played their final concert ever last night in Kingston, Ontario, millions of Canadians, including Mennonites, paid tribute to the iconic Canadian band. “I’ve never clapped before in my life…but […]

Unger Games

Olympic Fans Have One Last Chance to Cheer Against the USA Today

August 21, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL As the 2016 Rio Games come to a close, fans from across the world will have one last chance today to cheer against Team USA. “It’s really going to be tough […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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