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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Controversial Alt-Mennonite Leader is Fed Up With Being Told Not to Judge

December 3, 2016 Andrew

HOFFENBURG, PA A fringe Mennonite group promoting a “traditional pro-judgement pro-gossip” agenda has been gaining traction in the last few weeks due, in part, to an editorial in BreitBart and a series of memes with spelling mistakes in them. […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Pacifism is Totally Impractical’ Says Large Multinational Weapons Manufacturer

December 1, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Arms industry leaders met in Washington this week to discuss ways of curbing the growing wave of pacifism that’s sweeping the nation. “How the hell can we expect to keep the economy going […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Insists His Beard is Not a Tribute to Fidel Castro

November 26, 2016 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK A Mennonite man is facing considerable scrutiny today for sporting a beard that looks eerily similar to that of recently departed Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. “It’s just a beard,” said Ben F. Toews […]

Unger Suspicion

NASA Confirms the Existence of Mennonites on Other Planets

November 24, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a press conference earlier this morning, NASA scientists have answered a question that has plagued Anabaptists since the early days of the Reformation: “Are there Mennonites on other planets?” The answer, it […]

Unger Suspicion

George Orwell Elected Mayor of Lancaster, Pennsylvania

November 21, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In reaction to the recent increase of people being nice and friendly and sticking to the rules, the predominantly Amish city of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, has decided to elect dystopian author George Orwell as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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