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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

We Have Now Officially Entered a Peculiar Alternate Universe Where Mel Gibson Makes Movies About Conscientious Objectors

November 4, 2016 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA With the utterly baffling release of Mel Gibson’s new pacifist-thriller Hacksaw Ridge, physicists around the world are suggesting we now have enough evidence to confirm that the controversial multiverse theory might actually have some validity. “Mel Gibson, […]

Unger Suspicion

Search of Clinton’s Wikileaks Emails for the Word “Mennonite” Reveals Not Much of Interest

November 2, 2016 Andrew

Here we have it, folks. This is officially the most unfunny, dull, and least interesting Daily Bonnet post ever. Searching the Clinton emails on wikileaks for the word “Mennonite” revealed 6 copies of one email to Secretary […]

Unger Suspicion

Prime Minister Trudeau is ‘Sick and Tired’ of People Calling Him ‘Justin’

November 2, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a press conference this week, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau announced he had “had it up to here with people calling me Justin.” The official honorific for a sitting Prime Minister is “Right Honourable […]

Unger Suspicion

Road Construction Complete Just in Time for Blizzard Season

October 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After a summer and fall of road work on every single street in town, where traffic had ground to a halt, many of Steinbach’s roads have finally reopened just in time for the […]

Unger Suspicion

DNA Testing Reveals Theologian Greg Boyd to be ‘90% Mennonite’

October 26, 2016 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN After sending away for one of those DNA home testing kits, Greg Boyd, renowned author and pastor of Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, discovered he was almost entirely Mennonite. The new improved […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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