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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather for Nationwide ‘No Krahns’ Protests

October 19, 2025 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Millions of Mennonites across the United States gathered for what they had heard was going to be a ‘No Krahns’ protest. “It’s about time we sent those Krahns back to Canada,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Andrew Unger Sues Time Magazine for Extremely Unflattering Cover Photo

October 17, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Calling it the “worst photo of all time,” Mennonite satirist Andrew Unger is now suing Time Magazine for the weird low angle shot they used on a recent cover. “I don’t mind […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade

October 16, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. David Kehler of Kleefeld was in the big city on a Costco run this afternoon when he stumbled upon a massive crowd that had gathered at Grant Park Mall. “Look at all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*

September 27, 2025 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area man Sam Ens, 43, has just been informed by his parents that he has finally reached the age where he can stay up late and watch M*A*S*H* with them. “It’s our birthday […]

The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach Baptized this Week

September 15, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The prayers of Omas and Opas across Steinbach were finally answered this week as all the remaining folks who had yet to be baptized were greeted with a deluge. “I was hoping to […]

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