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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Ovechkin Accidentally Passes the Puck

April 1, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC On the verge of breaking the all-time goal-scoring record in the NHL, Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals, accidentally passed the puck last night. “Ugh, an assist,” said Ovechkin. “What the hell am […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Looking Forward to Violating One of the Core Tenets of their Faith By Voting in Upcoming Election

March 23, 2025 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Thousands of Canadian Mennonites are really looking forward to ridding themselves of one of the foundational doctrines of their faith by voting in the upcoming federal election. “I guess it’s that time again,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Astronauts Return to Earth After 9 Months Trapped in Conversation at Mennonite Couple’s Doorway

March 18, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Butch and Suni have finally returned home, after nine long months trapped in conversation at the Klassen’s doorway in the tiny Mennonite town of Rosthern, Saskatchewan. “There’s always a risk when you send […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Quickly Cleans the House So Guests Don’t Learn the Truth

March 8, 2025 Andrew

ROSENORT MB When the Sawatzkys visit the Pletts, they’re always impressed with how immaculate everything is. The floors are spotless, the toilet bowl is glistening, there’s not a speck of dust anywhere. “I don’t know […]

The Daily Bonnet

Your 2025 Mennonite Oscar Nominees

March 2, 2025 Andrew

It’s that time of year again once yet. The Oscars! Well, of course, as Mennonite we don’t watch movies, except we all know Onkel Oscar who owns a TV behind the barn out back and […]

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