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Unger the Influence

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Grocery Store to Retain Mask Rule Just So Locals Have Something to Rebel Against

August 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The management at the local DuperMart grocery store has decided to keep the mask law in place this summer just so that local folks can have a public place to blow off some […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep

August 8, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, AB Local man Mr. Kooltje, 43, who gets all his information from memes and YouTube videos, believes that those who don’t believe stupid crap they find online are “sheep.” “They’re just obeying whatever the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand their Constitutional Rights Under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’

July 27, 2021 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Pastor Troyer of Lancaster County is petitioning the United States government for permission to spread as much BS about the pandemic as he pleases under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’. “What good is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Boats Full of “Persecuted Mennonite Refugees” Fleeing Trivial Nuisances in Canada

July 25, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Boat loads of Mennonite refugees are once again fleeing their homes for what they believe will be a much better life in the desert someplace where they don’t have to wear masks between […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Trashed Entire Neighbourhood When the Canucks Lost Really Upset About a Few Statues Coming Down

July 8, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Dylan Goossen-Schmidt is really upset about the toppling of a few statues in Winnipeg this week, saying that the only justification for property destruction is when your team wins or loses […]

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