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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Group Vows to Preserve Old Tim Hortons Lids

January 12, 2020 Andrew

WOOLWICH TOWNSHIP, ON When Tim Hortons recently introduced a newly redesigned coffee lid, millions of Canadians were overjoyed. Not so, for the Mennonites of Woolwich Township, however. The new coffee lids were seen as a […]

Unger & Thirst

Shocking New Photos Show Dramatic Glacier Retreat

January 9, 2020 Andrew

GRETNA, MB New photos released by the National Society for the Preservation of Glaciers reveal a dramatic retreat of the famous Gretna Glacier. “If you look at the photos side by side, you can see […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Leave Plate of Vereniki and Schmaunt Fat for Santa

December 24, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Broesky children of Reinland were sick and tired of the mediocre gifts that Santa brought when they left out milk and cookies, and so decided to change things up a little this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Men to Hold Bi-Weekly Schnettje-Konferenz on the Corner of Main and Reimer

December 14, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Peters and Mr. Dueck have rolled down the windows of their rusty F-150s and are shooting the breeze and holding up traffic at the Main and Reimer intersection this week. “Oba, Harry, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Enjoys Delicious Steaming Cup of Pripps

December 11, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mrs. Thiessen sat down this afternoon, ground up some barley from the bin out back, and made herself a lovely cup of Pripps. “Ahh, just like my Oma used to make it,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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