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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Retiring Teacher Quickly Consumes 30 Years Worth of Apples

June 29, 2017 Andrew

GRETNA, MB With just two days remaining in his illustrious teaching career, retiring teacher Willy Epp of Klaas Reimer Memorial School, decided it was high time he ate all the apples he’d been given over the past thirty years. “I […]

Unger & Thirst

Margarine Mennonite Society Posts Declaration of Principles

June 28, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Popular Facebook page The Margarine Mennonite Society has attracted thousands of people with its rather radical views within the Mennonite community, particularly when it comes to margarine consumption. MMS founder Charlie Kraybill says his […]

Unger & Thirst

Guy Fieri Quits Show After Discovering Mennonite Food

June 23, 2017 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV Frost-tipped Food Network star Guy Fieri has decided to quit his popular ‘Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives’ show after consuming a scrumptious meal in a Mennonite home this past weekend that, in his words, […]

Unger & Thirst

Wonder Oil to be Added to Town Drinking Water

June 21, 2017 Andrew

BLUMSTEIN, MB Decades after fluoride was controversially added to the drinking water of many English communities, the small town of Blumstein, Manitoba has become the first in the region to pump Wonder Oil into the […]

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Prices Soar to Record Highs

June 20, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY When the New York Stock Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $123.21 a barrel, smashing the previous record of just over $115. […]

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