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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Cancels Italy Trip After Discovering Olive Garden

November 5, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB An area woman has decided to cancel her upcoming “vacation of a lifetime” to Italy after discovering the rustic regional Italian cuisine of Olive Garden. Mrs. Eleanor Schmidt, a retired nurse from Linden […]

Unger & Thirst

Death Row Inmate Requests Mennonite Food for Last Meal

October 26, 2017 Andrew

HUNTSVILLE, TX A death row inmate, set for execution by electric chair this week, has requested a hearty Mennonite meal of vereneki, schmaunt fat, formavorscht, buttasup and an entire tray of rhubarb platz for his […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Scores Big on ‘Wheel of Fortune’

October 21, 2017 Andrew

CULVER CITY, CA Mrs. Carolyn Berg, 63, from Blumenort, Manitoba scored big on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ this past week after all the puzzles had something to do with Mennonites. She took home more than $120,000, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Insists Server Who is Just Doing Her Job is Flirting With Him

October 18, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Billy Doerksen, a 52-year-old farmer and frequent customer at BJ’s Kafe in Leamington, mistook a friendly smile and warm welcome for flirtation this past Wednesday. “It was pretty damn awkward,” said 27-year-old server […]

Unger & Thirst

What the Heck is a “Mennonite Raised Chicken”?

September 30, 2017 Andrew

A Daily Bonnet reader was gracious enough to share this photograph taken at her local market. Apparently, there’s something so special about “Mennonite raised chicken” that people are willing to pay a premium for it. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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