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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Subsists Entirely on Free Hot Dogs

September 18, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than thirty years, local man Mr. F. Wiens has been a fixture at free hot dog giveaways across the Hanover area. From grand openings to open houses and church picnics to […]

Unger & Thirst

A Calorie Guide to Mennonite Cooking

September 16, 2017 Andrew

In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]

Unger & Thirst

World’s Longest Farmer Sausage Stretches from Blumenort to Steinbach

September 10, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Measuring 9.8 kilometres and weighing in at more than 17 tonnes, the neighbouring towns of Blumenort and Steinbach have just entered the Guinness Book of Records with the world’s longest farmer sausage. The […]

Unger & Thirst

Prankster Leaves Cases of ‘Free Beer’ on Mennonite Doorsteps

September 9, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Home-owners across southern Manitoba were shocked to find cases of ‘free beer’ on their doorsteps this morning. Apparently, late last night some prankster decided to test out the theory of whether Mennonites would […]

Unger & Thirst

Morden Mennonites in Shock as Their Beloved Chicken Chef Now Fully Licensed

September 3, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mennonites in the Morden area were in shock this past week as their beloved local Chicken Chef announced it was now a fully licensed restaurant. “Oba! I’m not sure we can leave the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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