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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Gets Finger Trapped in Rolled-Up Slice of Faspa Ham

September 2, 2024 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB The annual Heppner gathering in Friedensfeld this week required emergency intervention after Aunt Tina got her finger caught in a rolled-up ham slice. “I’ve been warning people about those ham slices for decades,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Shoplifting Rhubarb

August 30, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Maryanne Voth was so desperate to make platz this weekend that she found herself with a temptation she just couldn’t resist: rhubarb. “Usually Anges Froese provides me with all the rhubarb […]

Unger & Thirst

KFC Implements New ‘Bring Your Own Bacon’ Policy

August 25, 2024 Andrew

VAUGHAN, ON Of all the changes made to the KFC menu in recent weeks, by far the most significant was their new ‘Bring Your Own Bacon’ policy. “If you want to have a good proper […]

Unger & Thirst

Did You Know … The Plural of Pierogi is Pierogi

August 22, 2024 Andrew

VITA, MB The National Committee for the Proliferation of Proper Food Spelling has issued a friendly reminder to folks on the Canadian prairies that the plural of pierogi is actually pierogi. “It’s not ‘pierogies,’” said […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ Launches Her Own Brand of Knackzoat

August 12, 2024 Andrew

BELFAST, TN In an effort to cash in on her newfound fame, viral Internet sensation Hailey Welch, better known as ‘Hawk Tuah Girl’ has started a brand new company specializing in roasted and lightly salted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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