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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church’s Shocking Peace Plan Revealed in Group Chat

March 26, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A security blunder has revealed a Harrisonburg-area Mennonite church’s plans to spread peace and love in their community. “I can’t say who sent it to me,” said journalist Andrew Unger. “All I know […]

Unger Conviction

Church Dismantles Department of Sunday School Education, Citing High Cost of Flannelgraph Boards

March 25, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA The brand new pastor at North Harrisonburg Mennonite Church has taken the bold step of completely dismantling the entire Sunday school program, citing the high cost of flannelgraph boards, dry macaroni, and nontoxic […]

Unger Conviction

Friendly Bulletins Welcome Lonely Hymnal

March 21, 2025 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A pair of friendly bulletins were the first to volunteer when Pastor Bob hinted that someone needed to reach out and keep that lonely unused hymnal company. “We’re a welcoming church,” said Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Carney’s Speech Rated Just 2% More Exciting than Mennonite Pastor’s Sermon

March 20, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB University of La Crete Sociologist Dr. Pete Peters, who has spent more than 30 years studying audience engagement with public speakers, has found that Mark Carney’s speeches are a full 2% more exciting […]

Unger Conviction

Bible College Now Offering Shorter 6-Month MRS Degree

March 13, 2025 Andrew

TWO MOUNTAINS, AB Two Mountains Bible College is pleased to announce that starting next year they’ll be offering a shorter MRS program that can be completed in just six months. “We found that not everyone […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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