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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Local Heart Surgeon Locates Jesus

December 1, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A local surgeon has finally discovered the exact location of Jesus in the human heart. Just this past week, Dr. Penner opened up Mr. Klassen’s ticker and found Jesus. “Scientists have been trying […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Sits at End of Pew, Absolutely Refuses to Scooch Over

November 30, 2018 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Ralph Ens of North Kildonan sat himself down at the end of the pew this past Sunday and was perfectly content to have each and every person climb over him to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Dies, Donates Her Organs

November 29, 2018 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Local woman Mrs. Wiebe passed away peacefully in her sleep this past Sunday. Thankfully, however, she signed her organ donor card and her wide selection of electric home organs have gone to someone […]

Unger Conviction

Friesen Family Musical Ensemble Breaks Up

November 26, 2018 Andrew

LINDEN, AB The Friesen Family Singers have ended their eight year career at the top of the Mennonite family gospel ensemble charts. For almost a decade the Friesens have toured church basements across the Canadian […]

Unger Conviction

‘Iron Maiden’ Performs to Sold Out Crowd at Local Mennonite Church

November 17, 2018 Andrew

ELIDA, OH There was some confusion with the local metal community after tickets they had purchased to see UK heavy metal icons ‘Iron Maiden’ turned out to be a performance by a single Mennonite woman […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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