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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble

June 4, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Concerned about the increase in pride during the month of June, several Mennonite churches in the area have vowed to really show off their humility this month instead. “No one’s as humble as […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Kicked Out of Church for Calling Pastor a ‘Wacko’

April 30, 2024 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Peter Poetker, 43, was peacefully removed from the sanctuary this weekend after referring to Pastor Dave as a “total wacko” during a sermon on the Book of Revelation. “Once he got […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Empties Swear Jar to Support ‘My Coins Count’

April 23, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The kids at Hillside Mennonite Church in Winnipeg got an unexpected influx of coins during the ‘My Coins Count’ fundraiser this week. The surge in coinage is all thanks to Mr. Baerg and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Hymn Reaches #1 After Inclusion on ‘Stranger Things’

April 10, 2024 Andrew

HAWKINS, IN A 19th century Mennonite hymn has reached #1 on the Billboard charts this week after it appeared in a particularly memorable scene of the hit Netflix series Stranger Things. “I never thought I’d […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excited to Take Flight in Neighbour’s Flying Car

March 28, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN The whole neighbourhood was abuzz this week as Mr. Funk of Elkhart unveiled his new license plate, which clearly indicated he had converted his sedan into a flying car. Naturally, next door neighbour […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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