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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Dunkers Switch to Pouring After Water Main Break in Calgary

June 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB All 7 Mennonite Brethren churches in Calgary have changed their mode of baptism this week after a main break significantly reduced water supply in the city. “We’re just doing our part,” said Pastor […]

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Looking Forward to Those New Smoked Cheese Curds

June 6, 2024 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB It made headlines across the Mennonite world – fire at Bothwell Cheese! Thankfully the headline in The Carillon declared “Cheese Supply safe!” which had Mennonites breathing a sigh of relief … and […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites to Spend ‘Pride Month’ Pretending to be Humble

June 4, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Concerned about the increase in pride during the month of June, several Mennonite churches in the area have vowed to really show off their humility this month instead. “No one’s as humble as […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Woman Confuses Vegemite for Nutella

June 3, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Area woman Erin Klassen of Abbotsford was about to enjoy a delightful snack of Nutella on bread, while she sat down to watch season 3 of The Bear this evening. However, Klassen’s snack […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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