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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Police Arrest the Wrong Luigi

December 12, 2024 Andrew

ALTOONA, PA A nationwide manhunt has ended in the arrest of a tall handsome moustachioed plumber named Luigi. “I’m innocent, I tell you, innocent,” yelled Luigi as he was taken into custody by Altoona police/koopa […]

Unger & Thirst

Banana Turns Brown Mere Seconds After Entering House

December 11, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Tina Yoder, 61, of Elkhart had just got out of the theology class she’s been auditing, when she decided she needed to stop by at the grocery store for a few items before […]

Unger Suspicion

Moscow Opens Lovely New 55+ Apartments for Retired Dictators

December 10, 2024 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The friendly staff at Kuntsevo Independent Living Community in Moscow are welcoming brutal dictators from around the world to experience the comforts and ease of retirement at their lovely new campus. “Each suite […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Runner Turns Map Into Giant Dancing Dill Pickle

December 9, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Gabe Eby, 29, has been jogging all over KW during the past few months creating patterns on his running app that his fellow Mennonites will find recognizable and comforting. “At first […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Praying for Snow Day So They Can Miss Church Tomorrow

December 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With snow beginning to accumulate on Saturday evening, Mennonites across southern Alberta were hoping for a snow day on Sunday morning. “Oh would you look at that coming down,” said Dave Krahn of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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