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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Blows Entire Paycheque at Cabela’s

December 9, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local father and outdoor enthusiast Peter Neufeld, 41, is drawing criticism from family and friends after blowing his entire November paycheque on hunting and fishing stuff this past weekend. “I really wish he would […]

Quizzes

Vote Now To Determine Which Side is Jantsied!

December 9, 2016 Andrew

After almost a century-and-a-half of furious debate, Mennonites on both sides of the Red River have still not yet determined which side is the “other side.” Instead, residents in the West declare that their side […]

The Daily Bonnet

Black Bumper Mennonite Develops Severe Chrome Fetish

December 8, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA According to his psychologist, it was sometime after an accident with an SUV that scuffed the black paint off his bumper, when area man Benjamin Horning developed his abnormal obsession with chrome. “Deprived […]

Unger Conviction

‘Presumptuous’ Mennonite Man Brings His Own Bible to Church

December 8, 2016 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Reverend V.D. Harder was furious with the “arrogant, and presumptuous behaviour” of one of his parishioners this past Sunday who had the “sheer gall” to bring his own Bible to church. Mr. Friesen is thought to […]

Unger Conviction

Three Mennonites Hospitalized After Brutal Drive-By Shunning

December 7, 2016 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Three young Mennonites are in critical condition this weekend after a random drive-by shunning at a local Wal-Mart. “We’re not yet sure what prompted the shunning,” said Police Chief Dennis Dueck. “We think […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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