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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

‘Schekjbenjels of Winkler’ Calendar Becomes Hot Seller

February 6, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB United Schekjbenjels and Gofers Local 204 has released a steamy new calendar to raise funds for a new hitching post at the local Mennonite church. “The ladies of Winkler simply cannot resist a schekjbenjel with his […]

Unger Conviction

Wardrobe Malfunction Taints Mennonite Quartet Performance

February 5, 2017 Andrew

OMAHA, NB The Jansen Brothers are world-renowed for their smooth harmonies and beautiful renditions of such classics as ‘Church in the Wildwood’ and ‘I’ll Fly Away.’ However, for the congregation at East Omaha MBEM Church last […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Uses Female Pen Name to Submit Recipes to Mennonite Cookbook

February 4, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Local man Mr. Benjamin Harms has been writing recipes under the pseudonym Martha Pankratz for the past thirty years. With this female pen name he has published recipes including schnetke, buttazupand a delightful jellied veal […]

Unger Games

Sober Curler Discovered in Remote Manitoba Town

February 3, 2017 Andrew

GLADSTONE, MB The ‘Sober Curler’ was long thought to be extinct in Western Canada, but scientists in Manitoba have recently confirmed the existence of one such creature in the small town of Gladstone. “I’ve searched curling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Lives the Exact Same Day Over and Over and Over

February 2, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Henry Krahn has woken up each morning for the past thirty-five years, ate a piece of cold left-over formavorscht from the night before, stretched and said ‘oba jo‘ to no […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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