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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

For Some Strange Reason Canadians are Really Excited About A Foreign Country’s Presidential Election

October 26, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Canadians from coast-to-coast have been glued to their television sets this fall watching coverage of the upcoming Presidential election in Bulgaria. “Canadians can’t get enough of the bickering back and forth between frontrunners […]

Unger & Thirst

Poland and Ukraine Unite to Sue Mennonites for Stealing Perogy Recipe

October 25, 2016 Andrew

KIEV, UKRAINE Perogies. Pierogi. Vereniki. Varenyky. Call it what you want, but the boiled dough pockets beloved by Mennonites are undoubtedly of Eastern European origin. The fact that so-called “Russian” Mennonites have laid claim to the delicacy has […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Collect Hundreds of Empty Shoe Boxes to Send Overseas

October 23, 2016 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Generous Mennonites throughout the Reinfeld area will once again be collecting empty shoeboxes this year to send to needy children in time for the holidays. “Many people stuff the shoeboxes with clothes, books, and other […]

Unger & Thirst

Congregation Votes to Continue Serving Raisin Buns at Funerals

October 22, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Tempers flared at the Mennonite church last night, after rogue elder Gunther W. Thiessen put forward a motion to replace the traditional funeral raisin buns with store-bought dinner rolls. “Some of us don’t like […]

The Daily Bonnet

Renowned Mennonite Scholar Unable To Locate Car In Parking Lot

October 21, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA World-renowned expert on the Anabaptist exegesis of the synoptic Gospels, Dr. Dirk W. Thiessen, is always able to find minute errors in the works cited pages of undergraduate papers, but was unable to locate […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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