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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Sober Curler Discovered in Remote Manitoba Town

February 3, 2017 Andrew

GLADSTONE, MB The ‘Sober Curler’ was long thought to be extinct in Western Canada, but scientists in Manitoba have recently confirmed the existence of one such creature in the small town of Gladstone. “I’ve searched curling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Lives the Exact Same Day Over and Over and Over

February 2, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Henry Krahn has woken up each morning for the past thirty-five years, ate a piece of cold left-over formavorscht from the night before, stretched and said ‘oba jo‘ to no […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Denies Having a Beer Belly

February 1, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Herman Fast has denied accusations made by church authorities that his rotund belly is the result of drinking large quantities of beer, claiming that it is due solely to the […]

Unger Conviction

Man Arrested for Scalping Tickets to Megachurch Service

February 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A local man is in custody today after being caught selling fake tickets to a weekend worship service at Waters of Blessing, a Winnipeg megachurch known for its really epic music program. “The […]

Unger Suspicion

Churchill Polar Bears to Be Relocated to Southern Manitoba

January 31, 2017 Andrew

CHURCHILL, MB Along the Hudson Bay in the far northeast corner of Manitoba lies the small town of Churchill, renowned across the globe for its natural beauty and abundance of polar bears. However, the Wildlife […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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