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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

City to Replace Surveillance Cameras with Mennonite Ladies

March 18, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In an effort to increase security and reduce costs of surveillance, the city of Lancaster has voted to remove all security cameras and replace them with nosy Mennonite ladies. “Basically they’ll just do […]

Uncategorized

Mennonite Dad Disciplines Toddler Live on BBC Television

March 17, 2017 Andrew

YARROW, BC After his 3-year-old daughter Andrea stormed into the bedroom while he was live on the BBC discussing Mennonite-Amish relations, local dad Dick V. Peters, 41, took his young daughter aside and firmly scolded her for the inappropriate […]

Unger & Thirst

Irish Mennonites Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day With Green Perogies

March 17, 2017 Andrew

DUBLIN, IRELAND Ireland’s small but growing Mennonite community will be honouring St. Patrick today by dyeing all their perogies green. “We’ve adopted a lot of the Russian Mennonite customs and food,” said Pastor Abe F. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Prepares Ark for Annual Spring Thaw

March 16, 2017 Andrew

ST. CRISTOPHE, MB Local man Dale B. Unrau, 52, is busy getting his ark into tip-top shape for the annual spring melt. As temperatures rise, so does the risk of turning southern Manitoba into a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandpa Regales Youngsters With Tales of the Cash and Carry Toilet

March 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB At a family gathering this past week, Grandpa Loewen, 72, was generous with his graphic stories of the primitive toilet he had to use to as a child. Once he had a few […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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