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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Winter Fashion Forecast: Long Johns All the Rage This Year

December 18, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Fashion industry insiders are predicting a surge in the sale of long underwear this winter. There was a time when this garment, “long johns” as they are sometimes called by Canadians and/or Mennonites, […]

Unger Conviction

Colicky Baby Jesus Completely Ruins Living Nativity

December 18, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The annual living nativity was brought to a standstill last night after the young infant playing baby Jesus just didn’t stop crying. The incessant crying was so disruptive that the braying donkeys could scarcely […]

Unger & Thirst

New Improved Gnurpel Now ‘Extra Chewy’

December 17, 2016 Andrew

VANDERHOOF, BC For Mennonites who prefer to chew on cartilage rather than eat actual meat, Epp Family Meats’ new improved gnurpel offers an extra chewy experience. “We’ve been breeding our chicken, cattle and pigs to be extra […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Infant Asks to Be Baptized Upon Confession of Her Faith

December 17, 2016 Andrew

WICHITA, KS This past Sunday, an eight-month old Mennonite baby in Wichita, Kansas became the youngest child ever to be baptized upon confession of her faith. “At North Wichita MBCM church we take seriously the Anabaptist […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Excited for New Star Wars Movie

December 16, 2016 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA With the release of Rogue One today, millions of Star Wars fans, including Mennonites, have lined up outside theatres around the world in anticipation of the new movie. The Daily Bonnet asked a few […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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