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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Renounces Genealogy After Connection to Homer Simpson is Discovered

November 4, 2016 Andrew

MAIN CENTRE, SK Local Mennonite elder Leon Groening suddenly ceased his genealogy hobby on Friday after discovering a connection to cartoon imbecile Homer Simpson. “I was on Grandma’s Window – you know the Mennonite genealogy website […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Oldest Living Mennonite Fondly Reminisces About the 1908 World Series

November 3, 2016 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Henry Baerg, who turned 114 in September, has not followed baseball much in the last 90 years or so, but fondly recalls the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. “Oba, […]

Unger Suspicion

Search of Clinton’s Wikileaks Emails for the Word “Mennonite” Reveals Not Much of Interest

November 2, 2016 Andrew

Here we have it, folks. This is officially the most unfunny, dull, and least interesting Daily Bonnet post ever. Searching the Clinton emails on wikileaks for the word “Mennonite” revealed 6 copies of one email to Secretary […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has ‘Unfair Head Start’ on Movember Beard

November 2, 2016 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB A local Mennonite man has taken advantage of his ample facial hair to “totally kick butt” in a local Movembeard contest. “Like Samson of old, I have not, cannot, and will not shave,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Prime Minister Trudeau is ‘Sick and Tired’ of People Calling Him ‘Justin’

November 2, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a press conference this week, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau announced he had “had it up to here with people calling me Justin.” The official honorific for a sitting Prime Minister is “Right Honourable […]

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