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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Church’s Annual ‘Costume and Candy Party’ Eerily Similar to Halloween

October 26, 2024 Andrew

KOLA, MB The local MBGC church invites everyone to dress up like their favourite movie character and come sit around drinking Papsi and eating candy in the church basement this evening. “We’ll be decorating everything […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Offers $1 Million to Anyone Who Can Pry His Hands from Skinny Jeans

October 25, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Billionaire Elon Musk is offering $1 million to anyone who is able to pry his hands from a particularly tight pair of skinny jeans he’s been sporting for the past year or […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Medicine Cabinet Filled with Brandy

October 24, 2024 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Area woman Ruth Penner, 71, felt a sniffle coming on his morning and decided she needed to check her medicine cabinet to see what she had in stock. “Ahh, I think this should […]

Unger the Influence

Mixup Has Trudeau “Re-signing” Instead of Resigning

October 23, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After weeks of pressure, a group of rogue MPs have convinced Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to re-sign with the Liberal team. “Hey, you know, I was thinking of quitting, but with all this […]

Unger & Thirst

Shuttered Winnipeg 7/11s to be Turned into Tim Hortons

October 22, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipegers were relieved to discover that all the recently closed 7/11 stores are going to reopen as Tim Hortons. “If I can’t get a bean burrito and a Slurpee,” said area man Art […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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