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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Outrage in Steinbach After Streets Named After ‘Johnson’ and ‘Smith’

August 23, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A new housing development in Steinbach is taking the bold step of naming the streets after Englishers. The first two streets, which drew the ire of several Mennonites, are ‘Johnson Boulevard’ and ‘Smith Place.’ […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Recommended for Sunday’s Worship Service

August 22, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to keep their eclipse glasses and bring them along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more […]

Unger Suspicion

Solar Eclipse Caused by Mennonites with Black Paint, Scientists Claim

August 21, 2017 Andrew

MARKHAM, ON Today’s rare total solar eclipse has scientists questioning previously-held theories on the origins of such phenomena. According to a recent study out of the University of Markham, the most likely cause of eclipses of this […]

Unger Suspicion

Twitter Mourns the Loss of Jerry Lee Lewis

August 20, 2017 Andrew

FERRIDAY, LA There was an outpouring of grief for rock and roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis, who, according to reliable sources on Twitter, passed away last night at the age of 91. “The man was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Friesen Totally Schools Grandchildren in Plautdietsch Scrabble Match

August 20, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Grandma Friesen, 75, handily beat three young grandchildren this week in a rousing game of Plautdietsch Scrabble. The match, which lasted just thirty minutes before the youngsters quit in disgust, was the first […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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