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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

A List of Things Hipsters Stole from Mennonites

September 25, 2017 Andrew

Stop stealing all our best ideas, hipsters! Mennonites don’t want to be “hip.” We’ve made concerted efforts over the last few centuries to be the most uncool people you can imagine, so we’d appreciate if […]

Unger Conviction

Distracted Texting Millennial Accidentally Walks Into Church

September 24, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC While most jurisdictions have enacted legislation to curb distracted driving, the problem of texting and walking still remains. The dangers of such a practice became all too real for area woman Alana Foster, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Jokes Explained to Non-Mennonites

September 23, 2017 Andrew

If you’ve ever ventured into a coffee shop or church lobby in Winkler, Altona, or Grunthal, you’ve probably heard the same five or six jokes told over and over again. For some reason, us Mennonites […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Introduces Full Line of Yerba Products

September 22, 2017 Andrew

GRETNA, MB The popular Tim Hortons shop in Gretna, Manitoba is set to become the first Tims in the region to replace their entire line of beverages with Paraguayan yerba mate. Gretna Tims, which just […]

Unger Suspicion

Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites

September 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that a few dozen Mennonites from rural Manitoba are the only people in the country who don’t realize how bad a band Nickelback really is. With thousands of tickets left for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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