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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Mrs. Reimer to Star in New Remake: “The Bible School Graduate”

June 26, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Indeed! A lot has changed in the past fifty years since the release of the 1967 classic The Graduate. Five decades later the film is being given a […]

Unger Conviction

Congregation Shocked as Guitarist Snaps a G String

June 25, 2019 Andrew

SALEM, OR Parishioners at the South Salem Mennonite Church were in shock this last week after song leader and guitarist Miss Horsch lost her G string right in the middle of “10,000 Reasons.” “I’ve never […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Winkler Humility’ March Offers Stark Contrast to ‘Morden Pride’

June 24, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Days after Morden’s first ever Pride march, a confused, yet earnest, Mennonite man from Winkler decided to hold a march of his own. “Jauma, those Mordeners, always so proud and smiling and having […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends Five Hours Selecting Watermelon

June 23, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Fehr, 63, had to make sure she got just the right watermelon for her faspa this Sunday and so she spent more than five hours knocking, tapping, poking and shaking various melons […]

Unger Games

CFL Adds New ‘Mennonite Player Ratio’

June 22, 2019 Andrew

REGINA, SK In an effort to increase the diversity of the league, the Canadian Football League has just announced a new initiative that requires teams to have at least seven Mennonite players on the field […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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