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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Could Recognize Mrs. Dueck’s Buns Anywhere

April 14, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mrs. Dueck’s buns are so easily recognizable that Mrs. Unger could immediately identify them at the church bake sale this past week. “She doesn’t even need to put her name on them,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Excommunicated for Leaking ‘Game of Thrones’ Spoilers

April 13, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Somehow, Mrs. Driedger of Fresno got herself an early screener of the entire next season of HBO’s Game of Thrones and, in her unbridled excitement, proceeded to spoil absolutely everything on Twitter this […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Players Required to Sleep with Plastic Sheets on their Beds

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After yet another horrid performance tonight, the mothers of all the Winnipeg Jets players have required their sons to sleep with plastic sheets on their beds from now on. “I know they’re grown […]

Quizzes

Quiz Time! Is it a darp or is it not a darp?

April 12, 2019 Andrew

Think you know your Russian Mennonite darps? Well, let’s see. In this quiz I’ll give you the name of a community and you have to identify whether it’s real or just something I made up. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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