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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Devastated by Meagre Serving of Farmer Sausage

February 8, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Krahn of La Crete has very disappointed in the “puny” portion of formavorscht he was given for supper this past Wednesday. “Looks like no more than a ring and a half!” […]

Unger Conviction

Elder Board Acquits Mennonite Pastor of Bribing Mrs. Friesen

February 7, 2020 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB After the Faspa Committee overwhelmingly voted to oust Pastor Ron for allegedly bribing Mrs. Friesen to make fried rather than boiled vereniki at last Sunday’s luncheon, the West Rosenhof MGM Grand Church elder […]

Unger Games

Modestly Attired Mennonite Women to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show

February 6, 2020 Andrew

TAMPA, FL After millions of Mennonites turned off their television sets (if they had them) and washed their eyes out with soap at this year’s Super Bowl, the NFL has announced that a choir of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Amasses World’s Largest Collection of Beverly Lewis Books

February 5, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mrs. Beiler, 68, of Lancaster has been a diehard Beverly Lewis aficionado for the past twenty years and during that time has amassed a collection of more than ten-thousand soft cover Amish romance […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Eats All Her Popcorn Before the Movie Even Starts

February 4, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman, Mrs. Unrau, 41, arrived early to see Little Women for the fifth time and decided to order a bag of popcorn. Sadly for Mrs. Unrau, however, the popcorn in question was completely […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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