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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Where did you meet your Mennonite spouse?

August 27, 2019 Andrew

There are only so many places that Mennonites meet. In order to get a better sense of just where these meetings occur, the Daily Bonnet Sociological Society has established this survey. So, where did you […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Football Player Suspended Two Games after Testing Positive for Papsi and Ravel

August 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a wee bit too much Papsi and Ravel was found in his system, Andreas Heinrichs has been suspended from playing the next two games of the EMBC church touch football league. “Oba, […]

Unger Games

NFL to Adopt New “Thriftier” 80-Yard Field for Upcoming Season

August 25, 2019 Andrew

OAKLAND, CA Spurred on by all the positive feedback from the game in Winnipeg last week, the National Football League formally announced today that they would be using a much shorter and “thriftier” field for […]

Unger Suspicion

World Health Organization Bans Reading Internet Comments

August 24, 2019 Andrew

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND A new study from the World Health Organization has revealed a new number one killer around the world: reading online comments. In 2018 alone, comment-reading was known to have caused more than two […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Mrs. Brubacher’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard

August 22, 2019 Andrew

HEIDELBERG, ON Mrs. Eby is feeling like she won the lottery this week after a particularly windy day blew all of Mrs. Brubacher’s clothes right into her yard. “This should keep the Ebys supplied all […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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