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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

This Year’s Stanley Cup to be Awarded to NHL’s Most Deserving Fans

March 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Since the cancellation of the NHL season is more-or-less a foregone conclusion by now, NHL executives have decided to award the Stanley Cup to the league’s most deserving fanbase, the Winnipeg Jets. “We […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Allows Dancing Now that Everyone Has to Keep Six Feet Apart

March 25, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Given the circumstances, even the strictest Mennonite churches have decided to relax the rules when it comes to dancing. Pastor Tom has decreed that since everyone has to keep six feet apart […]

Unger Conviction

Guilt Levels Reach Record Lows as Mennonites Stay Home on Sundays

March 24, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mennonites around the globe were feeling a lot more chill about their behaviour than normal after not attending church services the past couple weeks. “It’s strange. I feel kind of free, you […]

Unger Games

Local Man So Bored He’d Even Be Willing to Watch Baseball

March 23, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Like many people these days, local sports fan J.R. Goerzen, 43, is going bonkers without any sports to watch. It’s gotten so bad that Goerzen has been flipping the channels hoping to see […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Super Excited as His Live-Streamed Sermon Gets Three Whole Views

March 22, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave is super pumped about the response he got from his live-streamed sermon this morning, which had three views and another viewer who left the live-stream halfway through. “Quite frankly, it’s better […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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